-The Wedding Singer
September 21, 2021
In January 2020, I thought I was an ally for racial justice. In June 2020, I realized that I knew almost nothing about racism, let alone how to be an ally! I felt like a complete asshole because I was naïve enough to think that being a “good person” was a hall-pass to ignore the injustices. It was a harsh wake-up call to how much I had to unlearn and then re-learn to even have a real conversation about racism.
The first step to solving a problem is admitting there is one, but the problem of social injustice (e.g. sexism and racism) is a many-layered and incredibly complex one. And, event then, many of us are stuck thinking, “So what can I do about it?”
You cannot change others, but you have the power to change yourself.
What you can do: leverage self-awareness techniques to educate yourself, understand yourself, and change your behavior.
“Awareness is the greatest agent for change.”
– Eckhart Tolle
What Do I Need to Learn?
Who does “normal” protect? Who does it hurt? Are there working alternatives?
If you’re starting your own Anti-Racism journey, I recommend this as a good place to start, and more resources and a fresh list, and an online course are also available.
I also highly recommend doing this work with a group of people, such as a book club, discussion group, or with an anti-racism educator or anti-racist coach. You’ll find support and be able to sustain your focus when you start to feel overwhelmed.
Go wide and deep. Pick something, finish it, and talk about it – you will need to process what you learn.
Why Do I Need “Normal” to Change?
Are you being hurt by it today? If not, how is the pain it causes others similar to the pain you have experienced in the past?
The desire to change what’s considered “normal” today, or see justice for an issue (e.g. racial justice, environmental justice, etc), typically sprouts from a personal experience.
If you experience the hurt caused by a particular injustice, then of course you want to see justice. But, if you’re not personally harmed by this issue, then the pain that others are suffering from it is resonating with a similar personal experience.
For example, my desire to create cultures of inclusivity stems from the pain I experienced in my childhood, when I was consistently singled out, compared, and made to feel inferior almost daily.
So, while I no longer experience these psychological attacks and they were mild compared to many others’ experiences, my past pain resonates with the pain of others that are currently targets of racist and sexist ideas & actions.
How Do I Reinforce “Normal” Today?
Now that I know more, what past ideas or actions would I change? When I see something, how will I respond? How am I still complicit and what steps I can take to change that?
“Normal” is the default, so you conform to it by default.
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou
Pay attention to everyday moments, identify when you’ve unintentionally reinforced “normal”, then leverage self-awareness techniques to change your behavior:
- Reflect on your actions/ideas: “Why did that feel safer to me than doing something differently?”
- Withhold judgment, but dig deeper: “Is this a pattern for me? How is this thought/action similar to other areas of my life?
- Identify alternatives for next time: “The outcome I want is ______. Saying/doing ____ instead should work better.”
Change Starts Within for Culture Catalysts
That old adage, “change starts within” is a good motto for change-makers.
Once you understand the problem, you can be aware that the harm goes deeper than the one comment or meeting. By understanding your personal emotional connection to the pain, you tap into empathy for others, and it becomes fuel for your desire for justice. Finally, taking responsibility for changing yourself is your most effective contribution.
Social change doesn’t happen one nation at a time, it happens one person at a time.
