September 20, 2021
When what’s considered to be normal today goes against your core values, “normal” needs to be redefined.
Since normal is co-created by every person in that culture, each person has the power to change it. Follow these three steps to be a culture catalyst!
Step 1: Be Self Aware
How do you think or act like today’s normal is okay?
“Normal” is reinforced every time someone acts “appropriately” according to that norm. For example, if you’re passionate about changing sexism, consider how you (un)intentionally support it today. Every time you act appropriately, you’re reinforcing what’s normal.
“This event is really coming together, Candice,” says my boss, enthusiastic about our upcoming 2 day sales event. “Is there anything you feel concerned about?”
“I wish we had more balanced representation. There are only 2 women out of 20 speakers,” I reply.
“But, we got the best people for the presentations, right? I think this lineup is great,” he responds.
Resignedly I said, “You’re right, these are the best people. I guess we’ll try harder next time.”
Self-awareness moment: I was uncomfortable because this wasn’t the first time this was an issue, so I brought it to my leader’s attention. In retrospect, though, I only did so at the end of the planning. I could have brought it up multiple times during the entire planning process.
To make sexism abnormal, first look at how you’re acting or thinking in ways that are upholding those issues today. You cannot force anyone else to change, but you can change yourself.
Self-awareness is a process that goes deeper and wider the more you use it. Start by asking yourself, “What makes me feel excluded? What can I do differently that would also make others feel less excluded?”
HOW TO BE SELF-AWARE
Educate yourself about how today’s normal harms others, then reflect on how you might inadvertently act or think in ways that reinforce rather than dismantle it. Make reflection a reflex.
Once you know better, you can do better.
Step 2: Curiously Care
How do you expect others to reinforce today’s normal?
“Normal” is also reinforced every time you expect people unlike yourself, or Others, to act “appropriately” according to that norm. For example, if you’re passionate about changing sexism, consider how you (un)intentionally expect people from other genders, racial groups, economic classes, etc to be sexist. Every time you expect others to act appropriately, you’re reinforcing what’s normal.
“Men don’t get it, so why try?”
“Latin dudes are so macho, so he won’t be an ally.”
“She’s rich, so why would she stick her neck out for me?”
You know that old saying about assumptions making you and me into asses? It’s true.
Be curious! Don’t assume that you know their perspective, use neutral, open-ended questions to understand their ideas about this issue. Dig deeper into how your values are similar or different and you will find allies in unexpected places.
When you find a person with good intentions but poor actions, explore the personal values that overlap with theirs. Look for their humanity and help them see yours, too.
HOW TO CURIOUSLY CARE
Don’t assume that any individual is part of the problem; tap into your curiosity and seek understanding of others’ perspectives to build unexpected allies.
3. Own the Change
How can you encourage your co-workers to adopt a new normal?
Research into social change reveals that it happens in our social circles first; when the people you know well adopt a new perspective, you’re more likely to change your mind about an issue. To be the change you want to see: consistently show up.
“There’s no women in sales because there’s no girls interested in sales,” said my co-worker Alex.
“I think that’s a stereotype. Did you know that just about half of the solo entrepreneurs in the US are women? And startups founded by women are more successful than ones founded by only men? To be an entrepreneur is to be in sales. As a woman, I didn’t go into tech sales because I didn’t feel comfortable in an overly competitive space – it didn’t appeal to me personally. But I know several women in sales who are super competitive and love it. So I wonder, instead, if we can make sales appealing to less competitive people while keep sales teams successful?”
I know Alex, and I delivered this with a calm, inviting tone so he didn’t feel judged. Invite others to be self-aware and curiously care, too.
This wasn’t the first time I’d heard this argument, and I failed to convince anyone the last time I had tried to articulate why it felt so wrong to me! I learned from that mistake, found some facts, and picked a personal story to help illustrate my perspective as a plan for success.
The other half of Owning the Change is to embrace Accountability. In particular, this is the behavior we see the least often but is the most crucial element in building a trusting, inclusive dynamic.
Apologies are limited to displays of regret. Accountability is a combination of regret, responsibility, and commitment. Regret your actions, be responsible for the harm you unintentionally caused, and commit to do better next time. Then actually do better next time.
HOW TO OWN THE CHANGE
Plan for success. Share your personal stories and be a bridge to others outside your ingroup. Be accountable to any harm you may have caused.
Learn from your mistakes and do better.
If this appeals to you, but you want a community, a framework, and a safe space to practice, I’m here to help! There’s a chorus of people doing this today and we welcome your voice!
